Sunday night with Oscar

I had a weekend with so many mixed emotions.

I stayed home and in bed Friday night, instead of being on a bus to NYC. A nasty migraine had set in and I just felt like shit. But the level of guilt that implanted into me was almost just as bad as the migraine itself. Us women are so used to saying ‘yes’ to everyone and everything, hardly ever taking a step back and listening to what our bodies are telling us…and mine on Friday was telling me to go to bed and put more actual effort into taking care of myself and doing what is best for Liz.

And so I walked two and half miles home, stopping at Whole Foods for their delicious salad bar and crawled into bed with Under The Tuscan Sun and Diane Lane. Loved the movie.

All doubt is gone; I’d love to/must live in another country at some point in my life.

And then I slept. A lot.

And it was amazing.

I felt like a new person when I awoke around noon on Saturday. At that point, I just didn’t feel like getting on a bus for 5 hours and intense partying, so I remained in Boston, choosing not to head to NYC.

I ate fruit, drank some coffee and tidied up my apartment and life. I did lots of laundry and read and took a nap. And I fought the guilt that had settled in, making me feel like a terrible, selfish friend. It’s still there; shrunk slightly. But I can’t deny that I feel physically better having rested up a bit more than usual. But more action must be made in my feel-better-goal.

The boy served me some homemade chicken veggie soup with toasted garlic baguette slices and I hung out at his place for the night. He and his roommates had people over and it was chill and we went to bed at a somewhat decent hour.

And then we woke today and had a mixed-matched delicious brunch (hash browns and egg-in-a-heart-shaped-hole ala the boy, and blueberry pancakes infused with french vanilla creamer instead of milk ala the boy’s roommate’s girlfriend). And then I craved to do something, since it was an absolutely gorgeous day. So the boy, one of his roommates/a good friend of mine, and I set out for the beach.

Yes, we went to the beach in March. It was 60 degrees.

We hiked among the beach pebbles and stones, the drift wood and splashing waves of Gloucester. We took in the baby blue sky and refreshing breeze. It was fabulous.

With the guilt I’d been feeling, with all my recent worrying and anxiety and stress, my overwhelming feeling at work, this venture out to the sea was just what I needed. I just wanted to bestow thank-you kisses on the boy, as he slipped white seashells in my pocket.

And then we indulged in some fried seafood from Woodmans and I’m now home, empty frozen yogurt container in front of me, watching the Oscars hosted by the adorable Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin. And I’m eager to get this week, eager to get to Wednesday night for Zumba, to get to Thursday, the day that I see the light at the end of the weekly tunnel.

I’m eager to focus and put more effort into taking care of myself; cooking, eating really clean and well, getting sleep and fitting in some solid exercise. Brainstorming some ways to deal with my worrying. Brainstorming ways to make the week days more enjoyable, despite any level of work stress.

So let’s do this; here’s to a great week.