Looking back

I feel the need to reflect a bit more on 2009 before really embracing 2010. Why, because 2009 was an insane year for me (but then again, isn’t every year huge for each one of us in some way or another?).

I entered 2009 with a job at a financial PR firm with the boss from hell and I detested every single day walking into that smelly, hot office. I cried. I felt sick. And as much as people thought one shouldn’t walk away from a job in this current economy, I ended up walking away and am so glad I did. Because it led me to where I am today, I’m certain of that, and I’m really liking where I am today.

I did a little work with an online company and that fell through, but once again, despite the enormous stress and anxiety it gave me at the time, without these collapses, I wouldn’t be in the fabulous place I am today. It made me step back and see how I wasn’t looking where I was going.

I was so eager/desperate to find a job, any job, that I was settling/agreeing to do anything. I thought a job would equal zero-stress & money, and when I look back now and remember what jobs I was willingly applying for, I shake my head at the waste of time and energy I put into that. I desired a reason to be in Boston, a full-time job reason. My parents weren’t kicking me out on the street, I wasn’t starving. And yet, I was desperate to prove myself that I ended up missing it all completely; waking up stressed, sick, exhausted and lost.

And when this all came crumbling down, I went home for a week and said stop it. I didn’t even know what I wanted to do anymore, I had been applying for literally anything. And I returned to Boston, the city I had fallen in love with, and worked at a little boutique. And I was ok.

I loved working with fashion and merchandising. I did some nannying for more money and began freelance writing and working with a wedding and event planner on the side, where I discovered a hidden passion I had for the field. It was a great summer.

And then as I began to apply for full-time, Monday thru Friday positions again in the fall, the stress and anxiety returned. I tried to have faith and I balanced on the edge often. And right before I thought I could fall, my faith restored itself and my patience and hard work paid off. With my eclectic mix of experiences and skills, my resume stood out in a pile and an opportunity presented itself to put these all to use…a week later I had my new job.

And that’s just in the career area of my life.

As this all went on during the tumultuous year, I was lucky enough to have some of the most amazing friends anyone could be blessed with. My girlfriends are my life and our trips are worth the scheduling and traveling effort it takes. I’m continuously amazed at how much I can lean on them and how much fun we have together. I learned what an awesome guy I have in my life, how you never know what life has in store for you since I could never have imagined everything with him, and it just keeps getting better. And my mom and dad and sister (plus my 30+ extended family members) keep my life sane, full of love, laughs, support and more. I learned so much about myself and am a completely better person and different person than I was as I entered 2009 and despite all the tears, fears, anxiety, mistakes, and more, going through this all this past year taught me more than I can explain. At the time I couldn’t believe that, but finally now, I can. And that feeling is awesome.

Yes, I can say it: what a year.

As I enter 2010, I hope to continue the learning process (hopefully with less hiccups and tears) and continue to grow. With this great new job opportunity, I strive to work hard, and see what I can do with my skills, talents and abilities. I can’t even imagine what 2010 will bring but I’m ready to embrace and challenge it.

Oh, and for a new year’s resolution: I’m going to no longer be self-conscious. I want to be self-confident in my body (goodbye beach cover-ups, hello adorable bikinis) and myself as a person and what I want and who I am.

Hopefully this will inspire me to eat better too…  ; )